


the fic in which i ship chan with a vegetable

by savechangbin2020



Series: Stray Kids and the Curse of Y/N [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Happy Ending, I literally don't even know where to begin with tagging this, Other, The power of friendship, i guess?, uuuuhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 15:15:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19298338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/savechangbin2020/pseuds/savechangbin2020
Summary: its better if you don't ask.aka i miss broccoli chan and this is my way of coping with the grief.





	the fic in which i ship chan with a vegetable

**Author's Note:**

> i got bored. i hope you weren't expecting something good because you will be sorely disappointed.

“Why do you always treat me so coldly, Chan?”

 

The leader tried to tune out the voice, but he couldn’t take much more of this. He hunched over his laptop, the bright light searing his eyes.

 

“You know why,” he fired back, trying to focus on what he was working on.

 

“I know we’ve had our differences recently, but please don’t throw away what we have,”

 

Chan knew he shouldn’t ignore it, but facing the problem would be admitting he had one and he wasn’t prepared to do that.

 

“I think we’ve both known for a while that this wouldn’t work out,” he replied, shutting his laptop. He was too distracted now, and Stray Kids weren’t about to start making break up songs, despite the fact that it actually would give him a way to channel the pain he was feeling because that’s exactly what this was. A break up.

 

Nobody likes endings, except for sadists and people watching Netflix Original movies (seriously when those things are finally over after an hour and a half of trash, there’s no better feeling in the entire world). Endings are generally awful, and they can hurt a lot, but everything has to end at some point, and Chan had grown tired.

 

“Chan, please. Don’t do this. What about everything we have in common?”

 

That’s when Chan snapped. He whipped around to face his partner, hot tears burning in his eyes.

 

“In common? Are you fucking kidding me?” He spat, unable to see through the tears. His limbs shook and his heart physically hurt and he just wanted this to be over. “I made so many compromises for you. I dyed my hair so it would be just like yours and I lost my identity! I don’t even know who I am anymore and I can’t do it, okay?”

 

He glared at the head of Broccoli that lay in the direct centre of the table he shared with his members, this perhaps an accurate metaphor for how this relationship had become the centre of Chan’s world and he hated the very notion of it.

 

“I made you what you are, you idiot!” Broccoli suddenly yelled, catching Chan completely by surprise. “Before we met, you were nothing. Just a pathetic kpop group leader. What achievements do you actually have? MAMA? Seriously? Try having proper nutrition, moron. That’s life’s greatest achievement and something you never would’ve been able to accomplish without me, and you know it.”

 

Chan staggered backwards, his tears turning from anger to fear. They streamed down his cheeks, containing far more sodium than broccoli had.

 

“I- please stop yelling,” chan pleaded quietly, his heart racing so fast and his breath began to come in short quick bursts. He felt like he was about to pass out. “Please.”

 

“Oh now you wanna talk calmly?” Broccoli sneered, but making no move towards Chan, mainly because it had no legs. “I think it’s too late for that, Chan. You fucked everything up just like you always do.”

 

“That’s not true,” Chan breathed, his back against the wall. He threaded his hands through his fading green hair and tugged on it violently. His legs gave out and he slid down the wall, the sobs endlessly flowing out of him now. They shook his entire body and they hurt almost as much as Broccoli’s words did. “It’s not true. It’s not true.”

 

“Look at yourself.” Broccoli laughed maliciously. “You’re a waste of space Chan, and you know it. You’ve always known it. Me?  I’m nutritious as fuck, and you’ll never be anything with out me, and I’m gonna laugh when you fail.”

 

Chan’s loud sobs echoed around the room. Maybe Broccoli was right.  He’d never be good enough for this team. He was bound to fail them sooner or later.

 

Suddenly the door to the living room opened.

 

“Chan, the kids are asleep. What’s-“

 

Woojin, having just woken up because of the yelling, froze in the doorway. Chan was curled up against the wall in tears. He rushed over to him, kneeling down beside him and taking the leader’s shaking hands.

 

“What happened?” He asked, his voice soft and kind, pulling Chan to his feet. Chan let out a quiet whimper, looking over Woojin’s shoulder and when the oldest boy turned to see, a wave of burning anger flowing over him. His narrowed his eyes, moving to stand in front of Chan, protectively putting an arm around him. “You…”

 

“Oh look who it is. Here to scrape up my sloppy seconds?” Broccoli taunted. “Well prepare for the sloppiest seconds you’ve ever had and you bet your _ass_ there’s no nutrients. Chan contains all the nutrients of Iceberg lettuce, which is the embarrassment of the vegetable aisle.”

 

Chan let out a weak whimper, leaning his head against Woojin’s shoulder. Woojin could feel the tears soaking through his shirt.

 

“You take that back, you son of a bitch!” Woojin growled. Chan was _not_ Iceberg Lettuce. That shit was just crunchy water and no vegetable would ever be worthy of being compared to Bang Chan.

 

“Guys, what’s going on?” Woojin and Chan both looked over to see a sleepy Minho in the doorway, the rest of the members behind him, yawning and rubbing the sleep out of their eyes. The yelling must’ve woken them all up.

 

“It’s nothing. Just go back to bed, you guys,” Chan told them, trying to hide how red his eyes were.

 

Minho had already spotted the broccoli though and he looked beyond livid.

 

“Has this asshole been causing trouble again?” Minho asked, walking over to Chan and Woojin, looking right at the leader. He was so beyond angry but he spoke softly to Chan.

 

“Yes,” Woojin replied, glaring at the nasty vegetable. Chan let out a shaking sigh, begrudgingly nodding. He felt embarrassed about hiding behind Woojin like this but he made him feel so safe.

 

“Asshole,” Minho muttered under his breath. “This has gone on for far too long.”

 

“Oh look who it is. It’s the BTS reject,” Broccoli scoffed. “What are you gonna do? Ddaeng me to death?”

 

“I honestly don’t even know what that means, like I was literally never in BTS.” Minho said as he walked over, prepared to grab the broccoli and throw it in the trash. “I was just gonna put you in the compost honestly.”

 

“Wait!” Broccoli cried as Minho grabbed it and picked it up. “Stop! My one weakness! The process by which various organic materials otherwise regarded as waste products are recycled to produce a soil conditioner which is rich in nutrients!”

 

“To be honest, I don’t know why none of us did this before,” Minho admitted. “This thing was super annoying.”

 

“It called me short,” Changbin piped up from the doorway.

 

“I mean that’s just the truth,” Jisung said, earning a death glare from Changbin who knew, in his heart, that it was true.

 

“Wait, before you do!” Broccoli wailed. “I need to say something.”

 

“Ugh fine.” Minho rolled his eyes, putting the Broccoli back on the table. “What is it, slut?”

 

“Min, is that a good idea?” Chan asked. Woojin put his arm over his shoulders, pulling him close to keep him safe.

 

“Shut up, flop,” Broccoli shouted and before anyone could say another word, suddenly Broccoli pulled off its mask to reveal that the whole time it had secretly been…

 

“Y/N?!” A shocked gasp went through the room and they were all stunned into silence.

 

“That’s right, bitch boys.” Y/N stood up on the table, letting out an evil villain laugh. “It was me the whole time.”

 

“Oh my god, I’m gonna be sick,” Chan exclaimed, and honestly, you shouldn’t blame him. Y/N is the worst. No one likes her.

 

“I was hired by YG to infiltrate the group and take you down from the inside. He said if I defeated you, he’d let me date Jungkook oppa.” She smiled smugly and everyone in the room collectively facepalmed.

 

“Dumb bitch, Jungkook isn’t even under YG,” Minho laughed, grabbing her by her wig and dragging her to the window, before opening it.

 

“Let me go! This weave was expensive, you whore!” She whined.

 

“Oi, Y/N,” Minho said, shutting her up. “You know the best part about broccoli?”

 

“What is it, _daddy_?” She asked. Minho tried not to throw up because it would ruin his ‘badass’ one liner.

 

“It only has a shelf life of three to five days,” he whispered into her nasty ear. “And your time here… has expired.”

 

Then he yeeted (yote?) her into the sun where she became extra crispy uwu.

 

“It’s over,” Woojin breathed, holding Chan close and stroking soft circles into his back. “She can’t hurt you anymore."

  


“If I ever catch one of you eating a vegetable, I’ll beat your ass. Got it?” Minho warned angrily. The remaining members nodded quickly. “This is what they do to people. No good has ever come from sentient plants.”

  


And they went on to win 238372467823468723648726 awards at all the music shows,  won all the categories in the grammys (even the female ones weirdly) and Yellow Wood was regarded by everyone as the single greatest album to ever be released in history. The moral of this particular tale is stan Stray Kids and keep away from vegetables, kiddies.

 

FIN.

  


P.S. Stream Side Effects or a head of broccoli will haunt your dreams and become your oppa. Oh also stop sleeping on I am YOU. Seriously. It's a masterpiece and anyone who disagrees is a liar and a coward.

  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you and goodnight


End file.
